Can Purell be used as lube?
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
