Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
