How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
