Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
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the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
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Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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