oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
