you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
