We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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