tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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