woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
