Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
