he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
