I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
