my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
