remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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