I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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