i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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