Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
