I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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