Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
