I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Just high enough for therapy.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
