i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
