Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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