So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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