I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
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We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
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You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
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