My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
