I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
