you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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