There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I have tasted many bathrooms
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
