dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just gift wrapped bread.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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