I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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