Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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