I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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