There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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