I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
