our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
i out mim tonsoeep
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