glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize