Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
