from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Randomize
