I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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