No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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