we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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