god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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