I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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