I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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