I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
