Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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