i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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