THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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