I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
