I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
