New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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