i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
