I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
