Acid is not a monday night drug
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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