i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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