fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
