i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
