There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
