Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
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thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
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I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
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