I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
